Project House Rewatch: House 2 – The Second Story

A few things become immediately clear. This is not a sequel. It contains none of the original cast. It takes place in a different house. Tonally, it’s not the same as the first. The only thing we have in common besides writers and producers is a house that contains some kind of portal.

Perhaps they were thinking about what John Carpenter initially planned with Halloween when we saw Season of the Witch. After all, this does predate Halloween 4, when Michael Myers returned to being the focus.

So, let’s take a look at the film on its own merit.

(This series loves a plunging neckline in its male leads.)

The first surprise was Ayre Gross. He plays Jesse. I don’t know if he’s been involved in any terrible scandal since, but he always comes across as personable and rather fun.

This guy, however, does not.  We’ll come to Charlie later, but he’s a constant drain on any goodwill this movie builds up.

They get to the house right away. Soon after, they’re digging up the grave of an old ancestor because the plot says so. It doesn’t matter why. It’s fun, and it gets the plot going. There’s a crystal skull, and Gramps is still alive. He’s 170, but alive.

Gramps is fun. His glee at a box of tissues is a highlight.

This movie also contains some weird political digs. There’s an old movie on. Gramps says something unpleasant about Ronald Reagan. They talk about how the stars used to be clearer because of the Ozone layer, which is being affected by, among other things, Communism. This was either to show Charlie’s stupidity or a subtle dig at the way Communism was portrayed at the time. Who knows.

Anyway, back to the plot. Gramps is in the house, and so is the crystal skull. Gramps betrayed some mean old guy called Slim Reeser. He’s in the prologue killing the parents and looking for the skull, so I was expecting him to turn up.

He doesn’t. There’s an impromptu party. Who arranged it? Why is Jesse’s ex-girlfriend there? It doesn’t matter because plot. A caveman turns up and steals the skull. Gramps tells Jesse he has to go get it. He takes Charlie with him. This is where Charlie really starts to drag the film down.

His reluctant goof persona rubs off on Jesse, and they both spend a lot of time not doing stuff.

Eventually, they chase the caveman into his own world (because portals to other places are a thing in House movies). There are dinosaurs. It doesn’t make sense. Just go with it.

They get the crystal skull back, and a baby pterodactyl, and a cute caterpillar dog for reasons.

Later members of another ancient civilization (they might be Aztec) steal the crystal skull. More madcap antics.

Then things get weird(er). The electrician turns up. He helps them out. Turns out he’s an electrician and adventurer.

He’s played by John Ratzenberger, AKA Hamm from Toy Story if you want that image.

They stop the Aztecs doing the virgin sacrifice and get the skull back. They take the virgin back with them. She doesn’t speak for the whole movie, but she cooks and serves them food. The female characters are pretty terribly presented as a whole, to be honest. Jesse’s girlfriend has an important job in the music industry, so she doesn’t like fun. Charlie’s girlfriend wants to be a pop-star.

Eventually, zombie Slim Reeser turns up. Shots are fired. The police come, and it’s all a bit underwhelming. Apart from the zombie horse. That’s awesome.  

It’s 88 minutes, but it struggles to maintain the momentum after a good start. There are fun moments, but it’s like a series of disconnected fetch stories.

Funnily enough, the only thing I really remembered as I mention in my introduction was the wagon at the end. There was no Indigenous American.

It much more of a comedy than a horror film. There’s some mild peril, but never a sense of dread or fear. At least the tone, though, is consistent in this one.